Saturday, March 5, 2011

10 reasons to vote for Harper's Conservatives....annotated

We bloggers love to preach and pontificate, and often develop a holier than thou attitude to anyone who opposes our views.  Any reasonable person though should be able to take their shoes off and slip on the footwear of those who dare think otherwise. 

Stephen Harper and his Conservative party have managed to garner somewhere between 3 and 4 out of every ten votes cast in the last three elections.  So it stands to reason that at least some of those voters have solid and defensible reasons for making their choice.

Here then are ten reasons I think an average Canadian might have for wanting Stephen Harper as Prime Minister and his Conservatives as Canada's ruling party.

10.  You hate children
Given the record setting deficit of Harper's government, with no end in sight, someone eventually will have to foot the bill.  But why should it be current taxpayers?  Let the whiny snot nosed kids in our schools and day care centres pay for it.  What do they contribute to society anyway?  Children are a drain on the economy and it serves them right if when they're finally old enough to work, they get hit with higher taxes than what we're paying.  And cry me a river if the government can no longer afford the social programs for them we adults now enjoy, its their fault for being born into the wrong generation. 

9.  Profitable corporations should get big tax cuts
Business concerns like our banks and oil companies need the extra cash.  Hiring consultants like efficiency experts is expensive, and professionals like these are needed to guide corporate giants looking to streamline their operations by getting more done with less staff.  Employees are a drain on corporate resources.  With more cash Canada's most profitable companies can also invest in new technologies and thus be able to rid themselves of pain in the rear human beings who ask for time off and get sick.  If that's not an option, companies can look to set up shop in some other country where workers aren't so damned greedy. There are lots of places in the world where employees are grateful for a few dollars a day and rarely miss time lest they lose their position.   

8.  We need big U.S. style prisons for felons engaging in unreported crimes
Just because nobody is around to hear it, a tree falling in the forest does make a sound.  And just because there isn't any report filed, that doesn't mean that people aren't victimized by crime.  We need a place to put the people who are committing these crimes, the thugs who aren't being chased and aren't being caught.  Sure it will cost billions, and maybe there won't be anyone to put into these new super jails...but as per point #10, current taxpayers won't be paying for it.  Snot nosed little kids will be stuck with the bill when they start working.  Maybe they'll take the rap for some of these unreported crimes so they can get out of paying all the taxes they're going to get hit with. 
7Heath Care should be run by business and not government
Private health care is the way to go, just look at our friends to the south.  We only spend a fraction of what our Yankee cousins do on health care.  Just look at the money changing hands south of the border while our little northern fiefdom restricts entrepreneurs and big business from soaking up billions.  And Stephen Harper is the man to deliver it.  He was president and vice president of the National Citizens Coalition, an organization which was created to prevent socialized medicine in this country.  They may have lost a battle, but with Harper the war may still be won. 

6.  We need more judges who understand that tube tops are an invitation to sex
With a Harper led government we can hopefully look forward to more judges like Robert A. Dewar, appointed in 2009.  Women who dress inappropriately and get raped need to understand that they are partly responsible.  That's why its good to see Conservative party donors and corporate lawyers like Dewar getting seats on the bench to oversee criminal cases. 

5.  Stephen Harper has really nice hair

4.  To be a successful politician you have to be a good liar
Aren't you just a little sick and tired of seniors crying about their fixed incomes?  Sure Stephen said he'd never, never, never tax income trusts.  But who did it hurt?  Just a bunch of addled seniors who've already forgotten about it. 

3.  Patronage is a good thing, especially when you set a record

2. For making government more open and accountable
Go ahead and file your freedom of information requests (FOI) if you're lucky you'll have an answer sometime, just ignore all the black ink

And the number one reason to vote for Stephen Harper's Conservatives? 

He plays a mean piano.

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