Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Conservative Cabinet Ministers - Stephen Harper's Idiot Toadies

Etymology is a fun little game to play, it involves trying to discover how a modern word or phrase came into being. Take the word "SHIT" for example. One popular theory, which makes the rounds every now and again, is that its origins date back to the 17th or 18th century, when manure used for fertilizer was transported by boats.

The story goes that manure would be dried out, crated up, and then stored in a ship's hold for transport by sea. There, beneath decks and below the water line, the moist air hitting this dried up manure would result in a build up of methane gas. When an unsuspecting sailor descended below decks with a lantern...KAH-BOOOOOOM!!!!

Once the cause of these explosions was discovered crates of manure started to be labeled, SHIP HIGH IN TRANSIT, that is to say above the water line or on deck so as to avoid this gas build up. Eventually, (or so the story goes) it was shortened to SHIT, an acronym, which explains why to this day it denotes something akin to excrement.

While not true, fiction is often more entertaining than fact. You may have already received an email about this and accepted it as the gospel truth. Well its not, the origins of the word go back long before the shipping industry took hold in Europe. In fact the word SHIT can be traced all the way back to Roman times and has Latin roots. You can read more about it HERE...but I doubt many will. The false history is far more entertaining, so many will simply want to believe it.

Which brings me to the point of what I'm writing about today. Perhaps we can invent a new etymology for the word SHIT. Rather than saying it refers to the transport of dried out manure, we can say that it is an acronym assigned to Stephen Harper's Idiot Toady cabinet ministers.

After all, Canada isn't governed by a Conservative government...no, this is Stephen Harper's government. Don't believe me? Just go to the government of Canada website www.actionplan.gc.ca (set up to tell everyone what a wonderful job Stephen and his minions are doing) and check it out. On the page What Has Been Done the words, "the Harper Government" appear seven times, the word Conservative' doesn't show up even once.

This is Stephen Harper's government and all his ministers and back benchers are but mere toadies, fighting over whatever scraps fall from the imperial leader's table. And judging by the performances of these lackeys, the moniker "Stephen Harper's Idiot Toady", or SHIT for short, definitely applies: Jim Flaherty and his wonderful economic forecasts, Lisa Raitt and her sexy isotopes, Jim Prentice taking money intended for wind power and diverting it to the oil sands...and so on.

Centuries from now there may be emails, (or perhpas 'thought messages') flying around explaining the origins of the word SHIT thusly:

Back in the early years of the 21st century Canada came to be governed by an egomaniac by the name of Stephen Harper. Any elected party member who dared oppose the dictates of this hyper controlling Prime Minister and his tight cadre of advisors was doomed to the back benches or could expect to be kicked right out of caucus altogether. As such only sycophants adept at saying 'yes sir' could expect cabinet postings. The performance of these mental midgets caused the populace to label them collectively or individually as a Stephen Harper's Idiot Toady (singular) or Toadies (plural). Eventually it was shortened to the acronym SHIT(s) and could be heard in such phrases as:

  • You're as dumb as shit...i.e as dumb as one of Stephen Harper's Idiot Toadies
  • You know less than shit...i.e less than one of Stephen Harper's Idiot Toadies
  • I don't give a shit...the point being talked about is of less value than that of a Stephen Harper Idiot Toady.
It wasn't that long ago, (less than 5 years) when Canadians were used to seeing economic forecasts being proven woefully inaccurate, but to the positive or surplus side. Now when the numbers are wrong it points to a massive deficit. Hopefully when the next election rolls around we'll be able to dig ourselves out of all this SHIT.

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