Saturday, May 23, 2020

Michael Jackson's 2009 death now listed as due to Covid-19

The U.S. Corporation for Disease Control (CDC) has issued a new directive that all celebrity deaths of the past ten years will be declared due to Covid-19, the condition that results from the novel coronavirus.  Michael Jackson's name was included because of the late pop sensation's "super" celebrity status, despite the fact that the late singer died almost 11 years ago now. 

CDC director of advertising Rex Dechepshun explained the decision during a recent press conference.  "While our numbers have been absolutely incredible, as lockdown measures are being eased we've been seeing an erosion in our ratings.  We're confident that this new directive will drive those numbers even higher than they were at the start".

When asked how it was possible for someone who passed away over ten years ago to contract the novel coronavirus Dechepshun had this to say:  "This new directive is very much on brand.  Our market research has been showing that levels of fear have been dropping.  We're trying to position Covid-19 as an incredibly lethal disease, and what could be better than having Covid-19 killing people years after they've died"! He went on to say: "We're working on several branding statements right now, the one that we'll go with will likely play something like this:  Covid-19, even death can't save you".  

The corporation is doing its utmost to ensure that this pandemic continues to surpass all others.  Its a multi agecny effort as government funded Medicare has been providing extra money for each Covid diagonsis.

Dechepsun said that media has been incredibly helpful in getting the message out, and with 10 years worth of celebrity deaths to work through it ensures that this is something that can be maintained for as long as a year and possibly even longer. 




1 comment:

Sara Hanley said...

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