Thursday, December 23, 2010

Stephen Harper's Night Before Christmas - A Holiday Poem

Last year at this time I did what many have done before me, I wrote a poem butchering the Christmas classic 'The Night Before Christmas", it was entitled 'The Porogued Night Before Christmas.

I think I have the makings of a tradition here, as I've done the same again with "Stephen Harper's Night Before Christmas". So without further adieu here it is, have a happy and safe holiday season and a peaceful 2011 all.

Stephen Harper's Night Before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas in old Ottawa town
And Stephen was pouting and wearing a frown
Everyone was out for some holiday cheer
While Harper stayed back, plotting moves for next year

Minority minority, that's all I can get
I'm doing all that I can, racking up a huge debt
So Stephen sat, he stewed and he brooded
Over majority rule, that so for had eluded

And then in a flash an idea did spring forth
As Harper looked out and did turn his gaze north
Santa, Saint Nick, that gift giving fool
For Christmas I'll ask for majority rule

So Harper sat, with his pen at a table
And wrote Father Christmas, the best he was able:

Santa the gift that will most make me drool
Is a right wing majority so I can finally rule
I have to compromise, to discus, its no good
With most of the seats I could rule as I should

Big tax cuts for business, the one's that make money
No cash left for Health Care? Now that would be funny
Big planes and big guns, our Forces will need
Social spending programs? They slowly can bleed

I don't ask for much, Dear kindly old elf
I'm thinking of Canada, not of myself
Please grant my wish, for this gift and with haste
I've been PM too long, there's no time to waste

No sooner had Stephen put a stamp on his letter
When Santa showed up, this couldn't be better
You see Santa's alive, he isn't on ice
He always has an eye out, for naughty and nice

"Oh Stephen I'm sorry. Did old St Nick say
"That isn't a gift I can put in my sleigh
Beside on my list of good boys and of bad
The things you have done have not made me glad

You've lied and played meanly, much further I could go
But to be fair you're not bad, when on piano
But even if you never, ever, ever had lied
This is a choice, and Canadian voters decide

Do what you will, seek wedge issues and such
Do all that you can, I know you'll do much
Mud sling and smear, your team is much skilled
You have deep pockets, your war chest is filled

As for me, to the Pole I must hurry straight back
Good children need toys coming out of my sack
You won't see me again, but you may yet reach your goal
Oh I almost forgot, here's a big lump of coal".

Again, a happy and peaceful season all. See you in 2011.

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