Let Israelis worry about Israel, we have enough problems

Should a new Palestinian state be created, and if so where should its borders be?

WHO CARES!!!

There are trouble spots all over the globe, Afghanistan of course, the Congo, Sri Lanka, all over the Middle East in general and of course in Israel. 

We get plenty of news about Afghanistan and the situation in Libya given our involvement in those conflicts.  There's the odd piece about the Congo, and once in a blue moon if its a really slow news day you might see something on Tamils in Sri Lanka. 

But it all pales in comparison to when Israel makes the news, such as recently when U.S. president Obama waded in on where to start when negotiating borders with a potential new Palestinian state. 

Things that Canadians should be worrying about include the devastation of floods in Manitoba and Quebec, governments struggling to bring runaway deficits under control, a fragile economic recovery with no ammunition in reserve to fight the next recession, pending interest rate hikes that will push many over extended Canadians over the debt wall.

What land should Israel cede to a new home for Palestinians?  Its a fun academic question certainly, and a nice little diversion from issues closer to home.  But let's focus our attention of getting our own house in order instead of worrying about two parties incapable of compromise. 

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Time for the post Rapture headcount....

May 21 came and went with no earthquakes or other disasters to speak of, unless you think this blog qualifies.  The Rapture was supposed to happen on Saturday, and near as I can tell we're all still here.  For those unfamiliar with what the Rapture means, some Christians believe they'll be beamed up to heaven before the rest of us are subjected to destruction. 

But even the Christian clergyman who raised and spent millions to warn us, Harold Camping, is still among us...so I guess we'll dispense with the head count.

Should this lead some Christians to re-examine their faith?  Perhaps it should.  Those who believe the Bible to be God's authoritative and final word might do well to engage in a bit of re-think me thinks.

Taking words written down by human beings, and then translated over and over for thousands of years...and trying to discern some divine message from them certainly seems even more dubious now than it did before May 21, 2011.  And I'm sure that's especially true for those who emptied their bank accounts to plaster the message on billboards all over the world.

Apparently millions were spent on this marketing blitz.  What a waste.  That's money that could have gone to feeding the hungry, for food and clothing for the indigent.   But then Christianity has evolved into something far different from what the reputed words of Jesus professed. 

If you're one of those still hung up on the meaning of some 2,000 year old writings...consider this.  Jesus hand picked 12 disciples to deliver his message, and even they didn't understand what he was talking about most of the time.  Many Christians believe that Jesus predicted his own demise by saying the temple would be destroyed and that it would rise again on the third day. 

But his own disciples didn't understand what the heck Jesus was talking about, they expected the temple mount to be razed and rebuilt.  Only after the fact did they supposedly understand it....

"OHHHHH!  Remember when he called the body a temple?  He was talking about himself"!!!

Prophecy isn't really very useful unless you understand what it means BEFORE the event happens, not after.

If any future religious leader wants to pinpoint the day for the end of times...I suggest they pull a number out of a hat that's at least 100 years in the future.

And seriously, would God really end the world so soon after Stephen Harper and his Christian base finally got a majority? 

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Sure hope God doesn't mess up my camping plans..

By now everyone knows that the world is supposed to be ending today, bummer.  Its on billboards, in the paper and all over the news.  I just checked and someone won $35 million last night on LottoMax.  Boy wouldn't that be a kick in the groin, becoming a millionaire and then having the world end before you could even cash in.

I realize many people are busy getting ready for doom and destruction so let me be the first to tell everyone to relax, the world will not end today.  Nobody is getting beamed up to heaven, and there's not going to be a massive earthquake for those of us left behind to contend with.

If you're cleaning the house so it'll look good when Jebus pops in, chill. 

Why am I so sure?  Divine revelation my friends, well, that isn't quite true.  I couldn't get hold of the Supreme being but I did contact heaven's press secretary.  What was revealed was more like a press release than a burning bush.  Here's what it said.

"It has been widely reported that God has ordained May 21, 2011 as the end of times.  Please be advised there are no events scheduled for that day.  God does not in fact own a calendar, thus any attempt to pinpoint a date is pointless at best.  There are currently no plans to end the world, however God does reserve the right to rain down hell fire at some future date if so desired.  Please refrain from inundating our offices with further requests for end time information.  If a decision is made to terminate human existence God will notify followers via twitter"

So relax everyone and enjoy the fireworks tomorrow.    

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Market research for a new religion

Having looked into various religions like Christianity, Judaism and Islam I've decided that the marketplace is in bad need of a new faith, but given our modern age I think some market research is in order first.  After all, new products and services almost always involve the taking of surveys and an examination of things like demographics so as to tweak offerings.  The goal is to maximize public appeal and obviously profits. 

I don't yet have all the details worked out, just a sort of sketch in my head.  The overhead view, from say 100 miles up, is of something along the lines of "The Force" of Star Wars fame.  Unfortunately it doesn't look like I'll be able to incorporate the word Jedi given that it is a trademark of Lucasfilm Ltd, so there goes the name '1st Galactic Jedi Church - Reformed'. 

It doesn't matter, I'm sure I can work around it.  Religions have been borrowing from one another for thousands of years after all.  I know I've got a lot of work ahead of me, and that other faiths won't take kindly to a new messiah on the block.  I'm already anticipating stiff competition from the entrenched faiths and can envision them re branding themselves to avoid losing customers.  I wouldn't be surprised to see: Improved Christianity, The New Islam, or even Judaism II The Sequel.

The core elements that I've worked out are:

-It will be monotheistic, one God or supreme being/entity.  When you put Christians, Jews and Muslims together you have over 3 billion people in total, so why mess with success. 

-Taxes will be paid.  Instead of seeking tax exempt status like older religions, this new faith will pay its share.  This is part of a marketing ploy, given these tough times I think people will gravitate toward an organization that doesn't seek to avoid paying taxes.

-I'm not actually looking to assume a Mosaic or Messianic role myself, I'd prefer to work behind the scenes.  Jesus, Mohammad, Gandhi...too many murders.

-I'm open to the idea of franchising, so long as I retain ultimate control. 

As to the market research I'm inviting readers to answer a few questions in the comment section.  The questions are:

1)  Would you be more inclined to worship/venerate a supreme being that is portrayed as male, female or non gender specific?

2)  Should contributions be required at 5% or 20% of gross income?  I've decided that the price of salvation/enlightenment will be monetary, but can't settle on the amount.  While 5% is certainly more affordable, I'm thinking that making it 20% might bring with it some snob appeal..you know like, "Oh I don't go to one of those cheap faiths that only asks for 10% of my income, my religion costs 20%...but its worth it".  

3)  What would be the best day/time to gather?  Sundays are real busy now what with Sunday shopping and all.  What about maybe a Wednesday evening around 8pm?

4)  Should followers of other  faiths be condemned to hell?  I don't like idea personally, but I do think it could be an effective tool in bringing in converts.  What better to persuade people than to tell them that rejecting this new faith will lead to an eternity of misery.

Okay...that's the outline.  Don't feel constrained by the questions asked, use the comments function to chime in with any ideas you might have.

May my force be with me.

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